TANTRUMS – Are you a Victim? SEVEN WAYS to deal with it–

Are you the one tossing a tantrum OR the one dealing with or tolerating it? …….

When a tantrum occurs, it’s a moment of emotional overwhelm, often characterised by yelling, crying, or aggressive behaviour towards the victim. This outburst is a response to frustration or a lack of control, a sign that the person struggles to manage or express their feelings. However, with the right guidance and tools, there’s a significant potential for growth and learning in managing these outbursts. This journey of learning and development can be empowering and reassuring for both the assailant and the victim, offering hope and optimism.

It’s important to remember that a lack of verbal skills for effective communication is most commonly seen in children who throw tantrums. However, it can also indicate underlying stress, frustration, or an unmet emotional need in adults. This commonality of tantrums as a universal human experience can help you feel more understood and less alone in your struggles.

Tantrums are a universal human experience, often reflecting intense emotions. This concept has been explored in various mythologies, where powerful Gods and heroes are depicted as having thrown legendary tantrums. For example, in Greek mythology, Zeus, the king of the gods, was known for his thunderbolts, which he would hurl in fits of rage. Similarly, Poseidon, the God of the sea, was often depicted as unleashing wrath in violent storms. Lord Shiva executed Taandav and Kaikeyi, forcing Lord Rama into exile. These mythological references serve to underscore the universality and power of tantrums.

My three-year-old daughter rolled around on the floor, throwing a tantrum at her mother. The mother did not pay heed and moved to the kitchen. Realising no one could see her plight, she got up and rolled onto the kitchen floor. This personal anecdote reminds us that tantrums are a part of our shared human experience, and we can all relate to their challenges.

Tantrums are a normal part of the child’s development, and they reduce with maturity – but some kids have frequent and extreme tantrums and do not outgrow them. They are irritable most of the time – Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, DMDD. Understanding the psychology of tantrums can reassure parents and caregivers and alleviate their anxiety about their child’s behaviour.

Whining, crying, kicking, hitting, and breath-holding spells are frequently seen as forms of temper tantrums, and young children express and manage their feelings in reaction and understanding to what is happening around them.

The tantrum thrower is smart and calculative in his approach. He will show his wrath only to the emotional person who has given him the space and affection he can take for granted.

It’s challenging to deal with a tantrum. Whether it’s a child, spouse, friend, or boss, a tantrum requires tender love, care, and the ability to manage it amicably –

How do we deal with this? SEVEN WAYS —

* Find out the reason—sometimes, it’s difficult to understand someone’s whims.

*Understanding and accepting – The sanctity of the relationship and the depth of affection help deal with it.

*Find ways to distract – It is easier to distract a child by changing scenarios or offering goodies.

*Have patience—The tantrum is short-lived and passes away quickly. Sometimes, it behaves like a soda bottle—it opens with a violent fizz and dies down soon. A tantrum goes through three stages: the Rumbling stage …, the Rage stage, and the Recovery stage.

*Stick to your point—A tantrum is thrown to capture attention and action. If you succumb to improper demands, tantrums can become a habit.

*Proper communication—When the storm has passed, teaching calming techniques and clear boundaries or discovering better ways to express emotional outbursts is imperative. An angry child may be unable to calm down—don’t give him a consequence—help him.

* Ignore it—Ignoring this is an effective strategy. The person will eventually give up trying to get your attention via a tantrum and find a better way to express his wrath.

The worst form of tantrum can be thrown between spouses or people in love. One person may be victimised by the other through either violent gaslighting or excessively agonising mood changes. The sufferer follows the wrath meekly and tolerates the tantrums by always apologising or living with a feeling of guilt.

Adult temper tantrums are not necessarily physical but can still hurt your partner. This could involve yelling, nasty accusations, cursing, gesticulating violently, throwing things, or even threatening to end the relationship.

 Even the more nasty and horrid form is the ‘SILENT TANTRUM,’ in which the person throws a fret without speaking. They might stomp, pace, block paths, and refuse to communicate or listen. Silent aggression is both detrimental and emotionally damaging. This may become a personality trait due to constant sulking, brooding, and expecting a partner to understand and massage your ego.

SIX WAYS to Respond to Partner’s Temper Tantrums –

*Offering an insight into the problem – Some recent unfavourable past events could affect moods that need to be healed. The husband might have had a bad day at work, or the wife had a tiff with her Kaam-wali Bai.

*Suggesting forgiveness – unconditional forgiveness to people who wounded the partner, resulting in fretting at home.

*Broadening the perspective – Delving into your partner’s past of childhood miseries, abuse and parental dealings.

*Inculcate humility – Smartly raise the importance of moral virtue and compassion.

*Leave the situation – Switching from the famous remedy of focussing on insight or behaviour alone, such as calming down, it is better to leave the situation and the room temporarily.

*Avoid arguments or pacification – Trying to win an argument or point of view should be the last thing on the agenda. It is better to suggest the importance of self-improvement and forgiveness than to try to appease the person’s mistakes. Try to formulate a non-verbal connection.

Love and physical affection, like hugging, can be powerful tools when dealing with a partner’s tantrum or emotional outburst. It should be paired with patience and understanding, ensuring mutual respect during the outbursts.

Understand the importance of ‘Jadoo Ki Jhappi’. It works wonders during times of emotional crisis or distress.

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