‘SEVEN-YEAR-ITCH’ — A FALSE BELIEF OR A FACT. Five ways to survive the itch. 

‘Seven-year-itch’ is a well-known and popular belief, with certain psychological garnishing, that happiness in a marriage or a long-term romantic alliance begins to decline after seven years of existence.

Number SEVEN- ‘7’ has a significant role in human lives — from the ‘Saat Pheraas’ to seven days a week, seven colours in the rainbow, seven notes of music, seven wonders of the world, seven seas, seven chakras, seven Rishis(Sapt Rishi) and seven continents. To top it all – in the Bible, scholars claim that God created the world in six days and used the seventh day to rest. The number seven illustrates the idea of completeness throughout the Bible. All religions, including Islam, Judaism and Hinduism, believe in the seven heavens.

Number seven provides the energies and vibrations of collective consciousness, spirituality, and faith.

But here I am discussing another facet of the number SEVEN game – the ‘Seven-year-itch.’ The Zing factor in any relationship declines after seven years of togetherness. Mental boredom, emotional dullness, and physical monotony seep beneath the doors of the once-erected love citadel, thus corroding the alliance’s edifice.

Atharva was lamenting about an emotional alliance vis a vis to a senior psychiatrist, Dr Singh.

“How many years have you been in this relationship?” Dr Singh asked.

“Almost seven years,” Atharva said.

“Well, this won’t last long — the seven-year-itch is taking over; unless you both put Herculean efforts into saving it, the end is near.” the Psychiatrist suggested.

Atharva pondered over his dwindling relationship with Anaya, his sweetheart. The warmth of affection, the heat of yearning and the craving for togetherness that were the prime factors in the initial years of the alliance were gradually fading. No more flying sparks, no more seeing the stars, no longer longing for each other’s touches – the relationship was entering into a romantic slumber, leaving behind a void and stink of unappreciation, thanklessness and emotional manipulation, enforcing a feeling of guilt.

Atharva was able to comprehend the gradual change in Anaya’s behaviour and, being a more sensitive and emotionally vibrant person, sensed her steady disinterest. He infused his might to restore the diminishing liveliness but eventually lost the battle. After investing seven years of strong, youthful emotions and physical prowess, Atharva’s dream palace crumbled, and he could not do anything. It took him a while to evolve from the mental aftermath and the emotional turmoil to start afresh.

There is no novelty or exclusivity in this weepy and gloomy love story. Several relationships grieve the seven-year-itch and break their backs on the firm altar of jilt and rejection.

Relationships with emotional clarity, mental space and practical logistics survive the agonising winter and bloom again in the spring.

The 80 – 20 rule of relationships says — No matter how intense and honest we are, a healthy relationship shares only 80 per cent with the cause; the remaining 20 per cent must be replenished by us. Craving for or expecting the 20 per cent booty leads to depression and emotional despair.

In the past fifty years, turbulent marriages have survived the gusto of emotional oppression and depression because of mutual commitment to compromise on each platform. Even after the terrible eczema of tolerance, the itch survived the seven-year ordeal because of peer pressure and societal obligations or fears.

Recent times have witnessed a steady decline in efforts to compromise on relationships. The feeling of— ‘You only live once has corroded the young minds, not to bestow even 10 per cent on a stale and placid alliance. Both partners can care for themselves individually and have an eye for greener pastures. The seven-year itch may even curtail to two to three years of forced survival.

Five ways to survive a demeaning relationship? –

*Develop the art of accessible and profound communication. Sit down at leisure, try to spot the issues, and bury the hatchet for good. Today’s misunderstanding or fight should not be carried over to the next day.

* Acceptance of our existence. We have our own mental and emotional architecture. Recognise that nothing can be changed or altered to suit your palate. Better to adjust your expectations and practice self-realisation.

*Focus on a partner’s positive qualities and shove a negative into the back seat. Remember – A person is lovable because of HIS qualities, and he is terrible because of OUR poor judgements.

*Rekindle the sparks. Even the dying flames in the bonfire need shovels of lumber. A decadent relationship can be ignited by trying to laugh, go out on dates, get a branded gift, work on a romantic gesture, or procure the latest edition of ‘Kamasutra’.

‘777 rule of marriage – Every 7 days, go on a date. Every 7 weeks, go on an overnight getaway. Every 7 months, go on a week’s vacation.’

* Get out of the victim’s temperament. Stop victimising your partner or getting self-victimised. No self-pity or forced guilt. Avoid the nasty trait of compromise and comparison. If the water is flowing above your head – get professional help or confide in a confidante or wipe your tears on the shoulder of a dear ally.

God created Homosapiens to sustain Physical Attraction – uphold Sexual Capability – develop Empathy – and connect emotionally with others. Enjoy the apple bite daily by following in the footsteps of your ancestors, ADAM, and EVE.

Let the seven-year itch sustain your relationship with the chronic itch and longing to love and endure – and not part with the investments you have put in all these years.

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